A little while ago, I told you I would open up a little more about our lives outside Dream Home Journey.

Today, is that day.

Our Emily. My girl. Today is your 4th birthday. Today I hurt all over, even more than every other day I live on without you.

Your perfect presence in my life will forever fill me with a love and experience a mother never should. But that will always, have that place in my broken heart that nobody can ever touch.

4 years ago, on this day, I nearly died. I failed you in a way a mother never expects to. My waters broke, undetected, and I grew more and more poorly as the days went by.

At just over 23 weeks I was rushed to hospital already knowing my beautiful girl had grown her wings. Entering the hospital surprised I was still conscious let alone alive I was begging this beautiful soul, this wonderful lady, who took me into her embrace and told me everything will be fine, I will be fine, to please, help me.

At 12pm I was given my first of 3 doses in a 6 hour stretch to induce me. Mike was stuck in a tent in Afghanistan, unable to get on a flight home in time to see our Emily delivered. 7 hours 45 minutes later, she was born. Weighing 310g and absolutely perfect in every way, I held her for a short 10 minutes before being taken to theatre.

The next few days were a hideous blur. And Mike didn’t make it home for another 3 days. Now we are the parents of our angel Emily. A girl we made with love, and lost with love. Thank you for being ours.

Our Emily. Our girl. Our angel.

Happy birthday.

Mummy, Daddy, Isabel, Oliver & Benjamin x

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