You know that they know that you know they have no idea, you know?

You know, those moments, when you just have to look at them for a second and it hurts so much you feel breathless and literally so engrossed in the feeling of love that you’re sure you never want that pain to go away.

Lately, these guys have been really great. They put up with so much. They’re genuinely the greatest.

Yes, they’re testing, yes they’re disruptive sometimes, they argue, they try my patience, they hate me sometimes and all I feel I do is tell them off. With living at Manor Farm and Mary being so delicate I really try hard to have us all on our best behaviour most of the time. But yeh, sometimes we scream shout kick and cry. We’re a busy family of 5 and now and again, we make noise. And you know, most of the time, Mary has no idea it’s happened! Which is a massive relief and tells me, we can relax a bit into life at Manor Farm and just be us more. Not be the us I feel we have to be.

The amount these guys tolerate in our ridiculously hectic routine astounds me every day. I’m stressed quite a lot of the time, and I feel like I don’t show them just how much I appreciate them. They have no idea that I know that they don’t know, just how much, I love them.

The older they get, the easier they become to look after. I’m not saying this in a way I didn’t enjoy them being completely dependent on us, I loved it, but, when they’re happy to play by them self’s, go outside and play without me feeling the need to watch them every minute (they’re in a walled courtyard it’s completely safe) they want to watch YouTube or play twister and more often than not, they don’t need us as much! I feel all I’m needed for is food baths, bedtimes and lots of love and hugs, we hug, a lot! Seeing them grow, and develop into their own little selfs, I’m completely captivated and I can not believe, they are mine.

They will never know, ever.

Love, The Reaneys

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